


i think i really like you (just the way you are)

by JuneOokami, Silversouledcat



Series: Disaster Trio Modern AU [4]
Category: Castlevania (Cartoon), 悪魔城ドラキュラ | Castlevania Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack, Disaster Trio Modern AU, Established Relationship, F/M, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Told Ya, Trevor Belmont is a Dumbass, Walmart, how is he still alive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-24 13:37:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21339127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuneOokami/pseuds/JuneOokami, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silversouledcat/pseuds/Silversouledcat
Summary: Sypha wants to cook, so the trio makes a trip to Walmart.This goes as well as expected.
Relationships: Alucard | Adrian Tepes | Arikado Genya & Trevor Belmont & Sypha Belnades, Alucard | Adrian Tepes | Arikado Genya/Trevor Belmont/Sypha Belnades
Series: Disaster Trio Modern AU [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1525235
Comments: 4
Kudos: 112





	i think i really like you (just the way you are)

Going shopping was never Sypha's favorite activity before, but it had become a great source of amusement in her life since she started dating two human disasters.  
"But why wouldn't you buy bottled water? Where else would you get it from?"  
She was about to answer but Trevor beat her to it. "The tap?" he said, sounding mildly offended. Sypha tried not to laugh too loudly as they entered the canned food aisle.  
"You can't drink tap water, that's unsanitary." Adrian tried, clearly experiencing some internal conflict over the idea that he had been unknowingly drinking tap water for weeks now when staying with his lovers. Trevor almost hit an old lady with the shopping cart as he stared in working class horror at Adrian.  
"Sorry ma'am, they were raised in a barn," Sypha apologized and sighed as the poor lady hurried away from these strange youths. She grabbed a few cans of corn and peas, mentally ticking them off her list. "You two, stop. You're gonna end up hurting someone," she chastised, but it was probably for nothing.  
"Why not get these frozen?" asked Trevor, looking at the cans like he had never seen them before. Adrian certainly hadn't.  
"I like canned, and we'll need room for the chicken in the freezer."  
"That reminds me," said Adrian to Trevor as he inspected the variety of canned soups and pastas his boyfriend was buying, "why do you always have frozen peas in your freezer? You never seem to eat them."  
"For black eyes, obviously," and Trevor didn't see anything wrong with that. "It's better than beef 'cause I always end up forgetting to cook it and it goes bad. Why are you staring at me? What?"

"Hey, look what I found," said Trevor, waving with a bag of chips in one hand and holding another armful, "I've never tried this one before." Both of his partners frowned as he reached the cart and dropped several bags of weirdly flavored snacks in there. They each grabbed a bag.  
"Grilled cheese and… tomato soup? Deep dish pizza? How in hell do you make chips taste like deep dish pizza?" asked Adrian, looking more confused than ever at what his boyfriend considered edible. Sypha wished she were surprised, but at this point what she felt was mostly resigned disgust.  
"Beer and brats, Trevor? Seriously? This stuff is gonna kill you."  
Trevor waved her off. "Most of these taste pretty good. Here," he said, opening one of the bags and offering it to his lovers, "try some of this." Adrian and Sypha exchanged a look, then looked at Trevor and the bag, and visibly gave in. If asked, they would say it was in the name of love. Adrian, full of chivalrous courage, reached into the bag labeled Cheetos Chipotle Ranch and grabbed some for himself and Sypha.  
Several minutes later, Trevor looked like a child in time out, pouting as he pushed the cart slowly after his partners. Adrian was still coughing a little from the spice, drinking water from a bottle provided by Sypha, as she kept trying to clean the cheeto dust from her hands with a wet tissue. None of his bags of snacks remained in the cart.

The sight of two grown men unable to name more than two vegetables each took a few years off Sypha's life expectancy.  
"I know tomatoes and potatoes, I just don't know what to do with them," said Trevor, with a surprising amount of honesty and no shame.  
"My mother made sure I always ate the asparagus and the broccoli, which I do kind of like," said Adrian, perusing the veggies section with childlike interest but trying to play it cool. Sypha grabbed what she needed as her boys tried to figure out what exactly were the fruits she sent them after. It was like watching a pair of toddlers helping with the grocery. It took Trevor a few minutes to realize there were signs with the names of things on each display. "What are these for?" asked Adrian, handing her several packages with dried leaves and powders she requested.  
"They're seasoning. I keep having to bring mine to Trevor's place so I might as well stock some there."  
"Are you not gonna bring any to my place?"  
Sypha stared at him. "Honey, you don't even have any pots. I'm gonna need to start from scratch with you. His place at least has a working stove, even if it desperately needs some cleaning. Which I'm not gonna do, by the way," she said, side-eyeing Trevor, who looked pretty guilty if nothing else.

"This isn't wine, Sypha."  
"Oh, it definitely is wine, love."  
"It's bad wine."  
"It's cheap wine, and we're buying some," she said, grabbing two of the least offensive Chardonnay she could find. Just to make Adrian squirm a little, she also grabbed a Rose. "My grandpa still buys gallons of really cheap wine to make grape juice for us," she said distractedly, trying to decide if she would take a red wine or not.  
"Why make it with wine?" asked Adrian, not recognizing any of the wineries on the labels and dying a little bit inside.  
"That's what they used to do in ye olde days, when he was a young man in the middle of nowhere in Romania. Someone in the village made wine, and they would dilute it for the children."  
Trevor nodded beside her, carrying a six pack. "My grandparents used to do that too. I bet some of the older Belmonts out there still do it. Can we get some beer too? I hate wine."  
Sypha smiled and took the beer from him. "Sure, honey. Grab another pack, I'll drink with you." Adrian walked away in disgust, trying to find something drinkable. Even cheap vodka would be better than this. His taste buds deserved better.

The trio stood by the display in shocked silence, neither of them sure what to say. After a few minutes of uncertainty, Adrian asked without taking his eyes away from _the thing_, "Have you ever seen this before?"  
Sypha slowly shook her head, unable to look away either. "This is… wrong." Trevor, who was experiencing several negative emotions, huffed in agreement.  
"Why would anyone want this? Who buys this shit? Someone has to buy it, otherwise it wouldn't be here, right?" he asked. None of them had an answer for that. They decided to leave the aisle before any prospective buyer showed up, trying hard to forget about the existence of bull testicle jerky.

Trevor was at home at the frozen food section, which was both funny and sad. While Sypha tried to direct his energy towards less awfully unhealthy options, Adrian poked her shoulder. "I thought people actually cut potatoes to make fries," he said, apparently learning something new.  
"Most people don't have time for that because they have to, you know, work." It was hard teaching him how the real world worked without sounding mean. Adrian had grown up inside a bubble of riches and comfort, and Trevor's childhood wasn't so much harder as it was a bit more down to earth money-wise. Sitting somewhere in the middle meant that Sypha was frequently dealing with bad and weird habits from both ends of the dumpster fire spectrum. "Besides they taste better if you fry them frozen. Grab a bag, we can eat some tonight."  
"With the chicken."  
"Yes, love. With the chicken. Fries go with just about anything." The look Adrian gave her was pitifully adorable. Trevor returned to the cart with an armful of questionable frozen food and the whole chicken Sypha had requested. "What even is this?" she asked, grabbing one of the many boxes he dumped into the cart.  
"Pepperoni pizza egg rolls," he simply said, pointing at Guy Fieri's face on the box, prompting Adrian to ask who that was, and Sypha just shook her head and accepted what fate had thrown at her, much like the target of a clown's pie.

The line at the register was long. Very long.  
Sypha slapped Trevor's hand away from the candy. "Stop it. You're not a kid." Trevor pouted like a 4 year old. She rolled her eyes at him, then turned to Adrian, who was looking at his phone. "What's up?"  
"My mother has discovered gifs," he said, with a dramatically exhausted sigh and without looking up from the screen, making Sypha look over to see the extent of the damage. Adrian was receiving a slow but constant stream of cutesy and glittery facebook gifs with all sorts of awful jokes and positive messages. There were Minions, lots of Minions. She decided not to tell him that Lisa was absolutely doing it to annoy him, as she had a much better grasp of the digital age than she let on. They were constantly chatting with each other behind his back. Lisa Tepes was a woman prepared to embarrass her beloved son in front of his partners as all mothers should, her and Sypha being pretty good friends, sharing inside jokes about Adrian.  
Sypha gave him a friendly pat on the back as Trevor laughed at their boyfriend's misery.

"What is it with men and trying to carry all the bags in one go? Is it a fragile masculinity thing? What are you trying to prove?"  
"You'll never get it, Sypha," said Trevor as he and Adrian carried a frankly absurd amount of groceries on each arm up the stairs, both clearly suffering to do so but refusing to do it in turns. Sypha was carrying a much more reasonable number of bags because she wasn't willing to risk a pointless injury for the sake of what, ego? It certainly wasn't meant to impress her, because that was the wrong way to do achieve that goal and they were already together. "I need to move somewhere with an elevator," mumbled Trevor, and Adrian couldn't agree more.  
"And parking space."  
"And parking space," Trevor agreed, and Sypha just laughed at them from half a flight of stairs up.

**Author's Note:**

> Google says all of those products are real. They probably shouldn't be.


End file.
